You might be laughing at this title. Ade really? You have social anxiety? You take one glance at my Instagram feed where that might make you think otherwise. Like everyone says Instagram is just a highlight reel even for me. What a lot of people don’t know is that it has taken A LOT of effort inside myself to get to this point. Even now I still get anxious leading up to festivals. I get invited to events as an influencer where I almost don’t go because I don’t have someone to go with. I have to constantly hype myself up to make friends (hi holy ship friends!). I still have a story to tell because I believe festivals have played a HUGE role in getting me to this point.
I grew up as an only child so I felt like I was always in fight or flight mode to make friends. If I didn’t put myself out there, then I’d be all by my lonesome. I carried this “fake it ’til you make it” attitude throughout my childhood to where a lot of people thought I was this outgoing girl where I even thought I was. Social anxiety wasn’t even a diagnosis for someone when I was growing up so I never knew how to verbalize these feelings I was having in social situations. I hate being that cliche millennial girl that says she’s both extrovert and introvert, but that’s me. I make SUCH a big deal in my head leading up to any social outing where I’m tossing back and forth between pros and cons if I attend or cancel. Once I’m in that social outing though, I’m fine and usually happy I went because I thrived off connecting with others, but then I need a couple days to be by myself after that.
Fast forward to college, I definitely will say I got more confident in myself because I got involved in college and had connections that were supportive. I pushed myself to get out there my freshman year to make these connections that lasted me throughout my four years. This was probably the time when I first started listening to EDM like Avicii, Zedd, Swedish House Mafia, etc. (miss those progressive house days). I didn’t make the plunge into my first event until 2015 where I went to Mad Decent Block Party. I had heard about the raves and events in Arizona and had seen some friends going to them. “What happens at these events? What do they wear? What would I wear?” were all thoughts that crossed my mind as I’m a planner that worries about diving into the unknown. With a group of my best girl friends and guy friends, I went with no idea what to expect. One day maybe I’ll do a storytime of my first rave experience because it was a little bit of a mess to say the least. So I gave raves another chance and I went to Decadence Arizona for the first time. This was when I really fell in love with the scene. This was where I learned what PLUR was and met so many people in a weekend that the energy was infectious.
Hang in there tribe I promise all this background info is important. I continued to go to festivals throughout college and got to meet more and more people. The great thing about the Arizona rave scene is once you start going to event after event it feels like one big family reunion. My pre-festival jitters went down so much because I had a big rave family to go with as well as so many friends I knew I’d see there. Festivals were a place I could let go and be free. I could express myself however I want. I could feel the energy of a judgement free zone where people are wanting to connect with music and with others. I lived for the next festival. I was on cloud 9 until I graduated college. I moved to Austin, Texas for my career and where I only knew one other person that lived there.
This was where that fight or flight mode instantly came rushing back I felt as a kid. I was practically alone in a new city. Back to square one. That social anxious voice came back on how we’d make friends when we had it so good in Arizona. Did I make the right choice? How can I make friends as an adult? Where can I get a group of friends? My confidence was already in bad shape from the post-college job hunt so I was pretty nervous my first couple of weeks in Austin. Luckily, the music is what got me out of my apartment. I went to my first show, Brohug, within three weeks of moving there by myself. I was sooooo nervous because I hadn’t been to a show by myself before, but I loved Brohug so I knew I had to go. I ended up going and having a blast. I learned the Austin community was very similar to Arizona which made me feel a ton times better. (Side note: it was because of this show I met my bestest friend Paige thanks to Twitter and found my Austin girl gang). Shortly after I created Vibe With Ade which allowed me to expand my reach in the festival community and I’m so grateful I did. I went on to go to Something Wicked by myself and made more connections. I’ve continued to go to new festivals as well as old time favorites back in Arizona. I’ve grown this brand into what it is today which amazes me everyday.
My social anxiety voice can be loud and could have prevented me from so many great things in my life, but I’m glad I’ve strengthened my confident inner voice to get myself out there. Festivals have been a reminder that I’ll always have a place to go to even if I’m scared to put myself out there. I’ve gotten more comfortable with myself to be more daring with what I wear because I know I’ll be accepted. I feel like I can talk to a stranger next to me that I just headbanged or shuffled with randomly because the people in this community make it easy to connect. I can’t do that anywhere else other than festivals and I’m so grateful for that.
Now if you’ve made it this far (thank you!!), I thought I’d share some things I found that helped me in case you find yourself dealing with social anxiety:
- Journaling has helped me a TON! It has had me tune into what’s going on inside and has helped me frame what I’m nervous about. I have been able to change those negative and anxious thoughts into positives.
- Surround yourself with people that hype you up. I’m very grateful for my boyfriend and festie besties who know I get anxious before any event and can help calm my nerves. They remind me that we’ll get to the event and we’ll have a great time like we always do.
- I get SO nervous meeting you guys because I’m scared if I don’t live up to expectations. I keep reminding myself that I’ve always been me and you guys like me for me so meeting you guys should be just like friends hanging out if that makes sense.
- Just know that the big deal you’re making in your head can be 10000x more exaggerated than it needs to be. I run through a million scenarios of what could go wrong, but in the end I go to an event or social outing and it ended up being fine. I was worrying for nothing.
- I always think how much more sad I’d be if I let my social anxiety get the best of me. Not going to an event or meeting someone for coffee or replying back to an opportunity will hurt me in the long run. I know it’s something I’d regret so I take a deep breath and hit go in my head.
These are things I have found helpful in getting me to this point. I know some people have way more intense cases, so I’m lucky I’ve been able to get my mind under control. I think I will always deal with social anxiety and will always be something I’m working on. I’m not going to hide it and act all noble that I don’t suffer from it because it’s apart of who I am and always will be. I hope I’ve made that little girl proud who would scream internally interacting in new social situations. I’m putting myself out there in new ways, challenging myself and doing the best I can. If you ever have any questions or need advice, my inbox is always open.
Disclaimer: I have not been clinically diagnosed with social anxiety disorder. Just from lots of research of symptoms and experiences I can say I have dealt with social anxiety in a lot of social situations. The defining feature of social anxiety, also called social phobia, is intense anxiety or fear of being judged, negatively evaluated, or rejected in a social or performance situation. If you have a more severe case and would like further assistance, here is a website to help. You aren’t alone <3
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