I can’t even remember the last Letter from the Editor I did, but here we are. I felt really compelled to sit down and share some things that have been going on in my world. Maybe this will be too raw and real, maybe this will be too much information, but I’m ready to get a little vulnerable. A lot of my community may see me as a vulnerable person, but really I’ve just been an open person avoiding vulnerability by sharing small hints of myself to appear “vulnerable”.
So this is me choosing to be seen, and get some things off my chest, so that I can move forward.
I think the best place to start is by sharing that I am single again (surprise!). My ex and I parted ways towards the end of May after being together for almost three years and you know what, it’s okay. I’ll always have love and care for him, we got each other through some of the craziest times in the world. We were in each others’ lives for a reason and I’ll always be grateful for him. I wish him nothing but the best and if you’re sending support my way, I also want you to send it his way too.
I’m starting this story out by sharing this because it’s been a huge catalyst for me. It’s uncovered a lot for me, kickstarted my next level of healing, and it’s brought me back home to myself.
When the breakup happened, I of course went into reflection and analyzing mode as to how I got to this point. I drilled down into the part I played for the past year and retraced everything. This ultimately revealed things that I deep down wasn’t ready to admit to myself. This really wasn’t about my ex or my relationship, but what I was really dealing with underneath the surface and how that then impacted parts of my life.
To everyone, I seemed happy and moving along in my life, but inside I was really struggling. For the past year, I’ve worn this “I’ve got this” mask pretending that everything was okay. I was working on things and figuring things out and things were “fine”. But things really weren’t “fine”. I kept this mask on because my ego worried about what others might think of me. I wore so many hats between being a daughter, girlfriend, friend, coach, content creator, etc. I didn’t want people to think I didn’t have it together and I didn’t want anyone to worry about me. I used to not care about what others thought, but working for yourself and dealing with stressors these old habits and thought patterns came back.
I was throwing spaghetti at the wall hoping things would work in my business and in working for myself, I was overworking myself trying to keep the roof over my head and my comfortable lifestyle together. I was letting the past of a successful 2021 hang over me and stress me out to do better. I shapeshifted myself of who I thought I “should be” whether it be online or in my relationships. And it felt like nothing was working and I was in a cycle of doubt, self-sabotage, burnout, uncertainty, and just continuing to downward spiral even more.
And what I will say is: no one knew this. Not my supportive parents, not my ex, and none of my friends. They only knew what I would be willing to share which was again this “I’ve got this” mask and “I’m figuring it out” mask while inside I was drowning. This honestly lasted a whole year from Electric Forest last year until weeks before this year’s Electric Forest. It wasn’t until mid-June of this year that I sat down with my parents and broke down feeling like I couldn’t hold this all in anymore.
I feel like I lost my mojo and my confidence because I embedded it into my achievements, my success, how my life looked, and other physical things that when things weren’t “working to plan”, my confidence continued to crumble. I did so much to try to “fix” things and spent way too much money when I really needed to face myself and pour love into myself. No one could’ve done this for me, but myself. I also should’ve let the people in my life know so that they could’ve supported me and reminded me of who I am. I didn’t show up as my best self at all it felt like for the past year. My ex and I parting ways was like that one Jenga piece you take out and the whole tower just tumbles, but I’m still here and still standing.
Despite the past year, I’m grateful for everything that has brought me to this point. I forgive myself for it. I now know what I know now and those lessons will always be there for me as great reminders. It also has brought me to this path where I’m feeling more in tune with myself and my vision.
There’s nothing to change about the past and what’s done is done. All I have is the present in front of me. I’m redefining what my life, my confidence, my success, and my relationship with myself all look like. I’m finding what lights me up again and making it a priority to make time and space for the things I love. I’m getting excited about the future and what’s to come in my business and am ready to make some things happen in my life.
Electric Forest this year really mirrored the parts of myself I had lost for so long. I felt free, glowing, happy, and at ease and that’s been able to radiate in my days since attending. I really felt like I started reconnecting with myself again and feel inspired about things again. I share all of this to remove the veil and the mask that I’ve worn for way too long. I am 28 years old and still figuring it out and THAT IS OKAY. We are truly never meant to have this whole life thing figured out. I’ve figured some things out which yay, but this really is all a part of life for us to learn, grow, heal, and be challenged, but to also love, dance, connect, have fun, experience, and cultivate joy and happiness.
So now that this is off my chest and is now out there in this corner of the internet, here’s where Vibe With Ade comes in…
I started this blog and my social media pages in 2017, which has been my pride and joy. For the past year, I pulled away and just maintained this brand while I built my coaching business. When really this brand and my business can beautifully work together in synchronous harmony so that is what I’m working towards. I see the vision and I can’t wait for you to see it unfold. I’m grateful to have not been posting as much because I know I don’t have to post every day to make an impact like I used to. I’m ready to be more intentional with my content and curate the next level for this brand.
What you can expect coming up: ramping back up blog and YouTube content, re-launching my podcast Let’s Vibe Podcast, offering my coaching services to my audience and community more, having a full festival schedule again, and me owning who I am and my story and living it up.
I feel so lucky to have the community and support I do. I truly thank you for being here and if you read this whole thing, thank you for allowing me to be seen and be heard. Special shoutout to my support system, I’m so grateful for y’all for getting me through this period, you know who you are <3
Stay vibey,
Ade
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